Thursday, August 12, 2004

Unintentional Humor at its Finest

One of the questions nearly every law school application asks is whether you've been convicted of a felony or an alcohol-related misdemeanor. In applying to schools across the country a couple years ago, I wrote this piece to add to my packet. I found it today and could not stop laughing

On May 7th, 2001, I pled guilty in Marin County Superior Court to the charge of Driving Under the Influence for which I was arrested several weeks earlier. On the evening in question, I got into an argument on the phone with my girlfriend of one year. She was up the coast about 100 miles in Sea Ranch, California visiting her mother. Upon hanging up from that conversation I went out with a handful of people to celebrate the recent employment of one of our friends. Over the course of the evening I had several vodka tonics and a series of conversations in which my friends and I determined it would be a good idea to drive up to Sea Ranch and iron things out with Kate, my girlfriend.

As such, I left the bar and started driving north toward Sea Ranch. Feeling completely sober, I approached the first of several exits one must take to get to Sea Ranch from Berkeley and followed what I thought were the appropriate signs. Unfortunately, I took a wrong turn and found myself lost just south of San Rafael. Driving up Highway 101 at this point, I reached into the glovebox for a map and let the car swerve to the right as I did so. Behind me 100 yards or so was a California Highway Patrolman. Having witnessed the car swerve, he turned on his lights and pulled me over. Smelling alcohol, I'm sure, he asked me to step from the vehicle. He administered a field sobriety test which I passed. He then administered a breathalyzer test which I failed.

At my court appearance on May 7th I pled guilty to the DUI charge and agreed, as a first-time offender, to attend and complete an alcohol education/awareness program. I enrolled with Occupational Health Services in Oakland and completed the program in short order. While I--and people who know me well--can confidently say I do not have a problem with alcohol, I participated actively during the Saturday morning sessions and learned valuable lessons about myself, about the nature of addiction, and about impaired driving.

Since this unfortunate and disappointing incident, I have not gotten behind the wheel after having even the slightest amount of alcohol nor have I gotten in a car with someone who has been drinking. While no one wants to be convicted of DUI, I have taken several positive things from this otherwise negative experience and used them to make me a better person. Ultimately, I am focused, excited, and ready to spend the next three years studying that which I broke when I got behind the wheel after drinking---the law.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

One word ... defenstration.

August 12, 2004 at 3:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ladies and Gentlemen, the art of ass kissing at its finest. What 21yr olds, trying to make it in the 'real world' will do.

August 12, 2004 at 3:15 PM  
Blogger John said...

Nothing short of hilarious

August 12, 2004 at 3:20 PM  
Blogger SkiGuy said...

When I went to work for the US Government at the USDA genetic labs, I had to answer a similar question. Of course my offense included alcohol, nakedness, water balloons and launcher, and a 70s styled, crushed velvet couch, with steel casters, rolling down Bancroft--which was all much harder to turn into a positive "learning lesson" in the eyes of the admissions staff.

Don't forget kids, there is a police station on Bancroft Avenue right at Telegraph. Police station = lots of police (who don't like getting wet).

If I ever find THAT essay, I'll happily post that somewhere.

- SkiGuy

August 12, 2004 at 5:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"...nor have I gotten in a car with someone who has been drinking."



August 12, 2004 at 5:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just in case anyone misses the TMax blog - the link may be down from, but you can still read and post here:

August 12, 2004 at 6:33 PM  
Blogger dusty said...

"...nor have I gotten in a car with someone who has been drinking."



it wasn't a car. an rv maybe..

August 12, 2004 at 7:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Drex, I'm writing to say
thanks for the orgasm today.

You were so hot in my dream
that you made me want to scream.

Don't let this affect your ego
but is it strange that I got off to a man I don't know?

August 13, 2004 at 7:45 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are all kiss ass idiots. That was the stupidest thing to post and say that you were laughing so hard. Seriously every one has written something like that, or said something like it.

"Nothing short of hilarious" - hey dude, how do you chew your food with DREX's cock in your mouth?

You are idiots.

August 13, 2004 at 8:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Ski-guy, find that essay and post it. Show DREX what real unintentional humor is. That little blurb you wrote made me chuckle more than Nil(e)s stupid post.

Same anon as before.

August 13, 2004 at 8:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Don't let this affect your ego
but is it strange that I got off to a man I don't know?"

If it's true, no.

However, telling him? Yeah, that's strange.

August 13, 2004 at 9:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You're shit's funny, but too damn long.

August 13, 2004 at 10:00 AM  

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